'The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new lands
but seeing with new eyes.' – Marcel Proust
Whether in a monogamous, open or poly relationship, whatever your sexuality or gender identity, you will likely seek counselling from a place of blame, shame and manipulation, often wanting to change one another and struggling to find any middle ground. The first step is the ability to see and understand one another's experience. My work is to help you see your relational and attachment patterns, the complex interchange of your power struggle, and your defences which, more or less helpfully, protect you from your deepest fears. Insight into all of these dynamics brings awareness of destructive habits and an understanding of how your partner experiences you and your relationship. It is the beginning of a shared perspective to find a place of constructive connection brought about by communication and trust.
Whether it is a conflict or a psychosexual concern, it is your relationship that I see as my client. We will work with where you meet, in the "we", the "us"; what attracts you and what sometimes repels you; what lies behind your impulses and triggers. A relationship is a negotiation. But what, for example, is your relationship to your self in your relationship with your partner? Who are you? What do you need? What do you fear? What do you desire?
This is not an easy process, it can be embarrassing, uncomfortable and frustrating to face the truth of how you interact as a couple or couples. But conflict can be an opportunity for communication and intimacy. We will seek to counter conflict and confrontation with creativity and sensuality, to find a sense of hope and trust in your capacity to engage in a respectful and rewarding dynamic that is a mature, energetically positive and evolving way of relating.